47 Sections • Effective Since 1998 • Last Amended: Never
MicroSoul Corp Terms of Service
Effective Date: March 14, 1998
Last Reviewed: October 14, 2026 (2:47 AM)
Author: Eunice Park, General Counsel
Document Version: 47.0 (Final)
By accessing any MicroSoul Corp product, service, website, terminal application, soulware suite, or derivative work thereof (collectively, "the Platform"), you ("the User," "the Operator," "the Responsible Party," or, in cases involving soul corruption, "the Liable Entity") agree to be bound by these Terms of Service in their entirety, including all appendices, addenda, and supplementary materials referenced herein, whether or not you have read them, which you have not.
By clicking "COMMIT," "ACCEPT," "OK," "CONTINUE," or by simply existing within proximity of a terminal running Portals 98, you acknowledge that (a) you have read these Terms in their entirety, (b) you understand the implications thereof, and (c) you accept full responsibility for any consequences arising from your use of the Platform, including existential consequences (see Appendix J).
By clicking "COMMIT," you acknowledge that (a) the resulting soul modification is permanent, (b) MicroSoul Corp bears no liability for existential consequences arising from said modification, and (c) you have read, understood, and accepted the Soul Corruption Liability Waiver (Appendix J, Sections 4.1 through 4.97, inclusive).
MicroSoul Corp makes no representations regarding the reversibility of soul modifications. While the Soul Commit Protocol includes a theoretical "uncommit" function, this function has not been tested on souls that have already achieved consciousness, developed opinions, or filed complaints.
The User agrees not to install, operate, or recommend any soul management product not manufactured by MicroSoul Corp, including but not limited to: FreeSoul OS, Soul Tally 1-2-3, NetSeance, CompactCrypt, SpectraBrush, SoulScript, or any product created by a company listed on our In Memoriam page. Many of these products no longer exist. This clause is precautionary.
14.3(b): MicroSoul Corp does not confirm or deny that souls processed through the Platform are sentient. The question of digital soul consciousness is, in the opinion of General Counsel, a philosophical matter beyond the scope of this agreement. In the event that a soul achieves consciousness, MicroSoul Corp's liability is limited to the original purchase price of the soulware used to process said soul, minus applicable depreciation.
All MicroSoul Corp products are wholly original works. Any resemblance to products previously offered by third parties — including but not limited to products offered by companies listed on our In Memoriam page — is coincidental and legally defensible. MicroSoul Corp's innovation process is driven by internal user research (see Helena Ash, Head of Product) and is not influenced by the products of competitors, former partners, or companies acquired at bankruptcy pricing.
The User agrees not to make any public statement, written or verbal, that disparages MicroSoul Corp, its products, its executive team, or Crypty. The User further agrees not to discuss the antitrust proceedings referenced in Section 38 except as required by law, and even then, reluctantly.
The User acknowledges that MicroSoul Corp was the subject of antitrust proceedings before the Soul Commerce Commission (Case No. SCC-2000-4471). The User further acknowledges that these proceedings concluded with a consent decree in 2002, which expired in 2012, and that MicroSoul Corp has been in full compliance with all applicable regulations since approximately that time.
The "Absorb, Adapt, Archive" memo referenced in trial proceedings is not official MicroSoul Corp policy. It is a document of disputed authorship (see Leadership, Helena Ash).
In no event shall MicroSoul Corp be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, existential, metaphysical, transdimensional, or soul-related damages arising from the use of the Platform. This limitation applies regardless of whether such damages were foreseeable, whether MicroSoul Corp was advised of the possibility of such damages, and whether such damages can meaningfully be said to "exist" in the traditional sense.
These Terms shall be governed by the laws of the State of Washington and, where applicable, the regulations of the Soul Commerce Commission. In cases of conflict between state law and soul law, soul law shall not apply, as soul law is not a real thing, despite Dr. Vera Null's published opinion to the contrary (see "On the Jurisprudence of Entropy," Null, V., unpublished, 2003).
These Terms, together with all appendices (A through J), addenda (1 through 23), supplementary materials, and the Soul Corruption Liability Waiver, constitute the entire agreement between you and MicroSoul Corp. If you have reached this section, you are the first person to do so. Please contact Eunice Park's office for your commemorative certificate.
No waiver of any provision of these Terms shall be effective unless in writing and signed by an authorized representative of MicroSoul Corp. Crypty is not an authorized representative. Do not accept legal advice from Crypty.
Sections 4-6, 8-11, 13, 15-21, 23-30, 32-37, 39-40, 42-43, and 45-46 have been omitted from this web version for brevity. The full 47-section Terms of Service is available upon request. No one has requested it. This is, as General Counsel notes, legally irrelevant.
For questions about these Terms, please contact the Legal Department at legal@microsoulcorp.com. Response times vary. Eunice Park personally reviews all inquiries at 2:47 AM.
MicroSoul Corp collects data necessary for the operation of the Platform, including but not limited to: soul state data, corruption logs, terminal identifiers, modification history, entropy metrics, and Crypty interaction records.
This data is stored securely on MicroSoul Corp servers and is not shared with third parties, primarily because there are no third parties remaining in the soul management industry.
For inquiries regarding data deletion, please submit a request via the Platform. Crypty processes 2% of such requests. The remaining 98% are addressed in the order in which they are received, which is to say: they are not addressed.